75 New Funny And Hilarious Whatsapp Status Quotes (2018)
Funny And Hilarious Whatsapp Status Quotes:
1. “I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode. Now hush, or you’ll drain my battery.”
2. “I have 1% battery left. Whoever calls me or sends me a message will become my enemy.”
3. “I only pretend to work. They pretend to pay me for it. We don’t like to talk about it.”
4. “Silence may be golden, but duct tape is shiny and silver.”
5. “You’re just jealous because the voices like talking to me more.”
6. “I did it again. I overestimated the number of brain cells you have.”
7. “A man is only as young as the woman he feels.”
8. “I just saw the smartest person in the world when I stood in front of the mirror.”
9. “You know what they say: Everything happens for a reason. When I punch you in the face, remember that I had a reason for it.”
10. “What’s the main cause for divorce? Marriage.”
11. “Hey, Karma – I have a long list of people you missed.”
12. “People always tell me to follow my dreams, so I took their advice and went back to bed.”
13. “I always thought the air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips.”
14. “My cell phone rings at 3 AM. – Hey, are you asleep? – No, I’m skydiving – what do you think?!”
15. “Most people live and learn, but you – you just live.”
16. “Don’t take your life too seriously. It’s not like you’re going to get out alive.”
17. “I had to take a sick day again. I’m just so sick of those people.”
18. “Did you ever think that the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason?”
19. “Life is so short – so smile while you still have teeth!”
20. “We now live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.”
21. “It’s hard doing nothing because you never know when you’re finished.”
22. “I’m experiencing life at 25 WTFs per hour.”
23. “You don’t like my sarcastic answer? Then don’t ask a stupid question.”
24. “Calm down. We’re all a little crazy. This isn’t a competition.”
25. “I honestly don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every single minute of it.”
26. “There really needs to be a day in between Saturday and Sunday. Maybe two.”
27. “I really am a humble person. In fact, I’m so much greater than I’ve led you to believe.”
28. “I didn’t trip. The floor just looked like it really could use a hug.”
29. “Bathrooms have transformed from being a singing studio to a photo studio.”
30. “I’m not short – I’m concentrated awesome.”
31. “I’m really not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it actually happens.”
32. “I’m not worried about terrorism. I was once married for two years.”
33. “Behind every successful man is a woman who is very confused.”
34. “Laziness is truly the mother of all bad habits. But remember, she’s a mother and should be respected.”
35. “Don’t make the same mistake twice. There are so many to choose from. Pick a new one each day.”
36. “I used to have an open mind, but I got tired of my brain falling out.”
37. “You can never say what’s on your mind when your entire family is on Facebook.”
38. “We live in a WTF era – Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.”
39. “You can’t blame me – I was born a pessimist. My blood type is actually B Negative.”
40. “My teacher calls it cheating. Well, I call it teamwork.”
41. “Friendship is a lot like money. It’s easier made than kept.”
42. “Guys – sometimes when I close my eyes, I really can’t see anything.”
43. “Please – I don’t get older. I just level up.”
44. “What’s the weather forecast for tonight? Dark with a hint of moonlight.”
45. “Everyone keeps telling me the right person will come along. Honestly, I’m starting to think that mine was hit by a truck.”
46. “I’m just finishing what I started yesterday – nothing.”
47. “I want to know how one careless match can set an entire forest on fire, but it takes a whole box just to light a campfire.”
48. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t repair your brakes. I made your horn louder instead.”
49. “Toilet paper is highly useful, but it’s really not an appropriate gift.”
50. “At the end of every day, I wish that life would ask me: Do you want to save your changes?”
51. “Whenever someone tells me I’m going to regret that in the morning, I just sleep past noon.”
52. “If Monday had a face, I would punch it. I hate Mondays.”
53. “Parachute for sale: used once, but never opened.”
54. “What do poor men and rich men have in common? They both have iPhones.”
55. “Where there’s a will, there’s a hundred relatives fighting over it.”
56. “Failure: it’s not an option; it comes bundled with Windows.”
57. “If at first you don’t succeed, hide all of the evidence that you even tried.”
58. “I hate mornings. They always start when I’m still asleep.”
59. “I’m more than special – I’m a limited edition. And I come at a higher price.”
60. “I still remember the days when blackberries and apples were just fruits.”
61. “Never argue with idiots. They will only drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
62. “In today’s society, a pizza gets delivered to your house faster than the police.”
63. “Early birds may get the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese.”
64. “I scream the same way whether I’m being eaten by a shark, or a tiny piece of seaweed touches my leg.”
65. “I don’t know about you, but I intend on living forever. So far, everything is going as planned.”
66. “Work fascinates me. That’s why I sit and look at it for hours.”
67. “I always take my life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.”
68. “Well, you’re never too old to learn something stupid.”
69. “With a good enough thrust, pigs really can fly.”
70. “What’s the best way to make sure that you hit your target? Shoot first and then call whatever it hits your target.”
71. “The next time you think about fighting fire with fire just remember that the fire department uses water.”
72. “They say that winning isn’t’ everything. Why do we keep score then?”
73. “I’m pretty sure I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m really not so sure.”
74. “Don’t ever hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat instead.”
75. “I really don’t trust anything that can bleed for five days and not die.”
