139 Amazing Funny Status Quotes For Whatsapp (2018)

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140 Amazing Funny Status Quotes For Whatsapp (2018)

1.     You think I am lazy, I am just saving energy.
2.     Wow Gods is really creative, I mean just take a good look at me.
3.     Hey there! I just installed whatsapp, but I need data.
4.     My phone has been 60% for hours, it’s when it gets to 2% I start receiving calls and messages, enemies of progress at work.
5.     Why is it, when the phone goes on silent mode, you miss different calls, for damn sake, its been on all day.
6.     Awwwwww! I know they will copy this status too.
7.     80% of guys have brains, but only 20% of guys use it.
8.     You don’t have friends, you don’t have haters, mehn you must be very boring.
9.     I see men laughing at some of the choices their wives made, yeah, I laugh too when I see those men.
10.     Whatsapp, call, text, videos only.
11.     Hey you! Now that you have seen my dp, don’t steal it.
12.     Selectively available for all, pls disturb me.
13.     You can’t deal with my style, that’s why you want to copy it.
14.     If money grew on tress, some girls will date baboons.
15.     I know I am fat, if I work out I will shed weight, but you are short, dude aint nothing you can do about that.
16.     When I was young my parents said I talked a lot, now they are old, I see where my talking originated from.
17.     When I was born, then the competition started.
18.     Status: I am not online for you.
19.     Life is very short, can you type faster?
20.     Boys show creativity and skills using Photoshop, girls use it to enhance their beauty.
21.     Attitude is like an underwear, you wear it, not show it.
22.     Respect my phone.
23.     I am looking for my heart, can I check your brassier?
24.     Save water, bath together.
25.     I used to be cool headed, look at what global warming did.
26.     Marriage is the reason for divorce, please argue in your house.
27.     Husband: sweetheart I have had a change of heart. Wife: this is the 199th time.
28.     Sometimes I enjoy other peoples wife, shit I meant wifi.
29.     Is there a bank that can give me a lone, and leave me alone?
30.     I am just good, with food, wife and sleep, replace the “e” in wife with ‘’I’’
31.     Rules are made to be broken, I like this particular rule.
32.     Oooooooooooowweee! Some idiot will still copy my status, I can’t even understand what I just wrote.
33.     Some guys change love status 15 seconds after updates, mehn your girl must be flash. That was fast man.
34.     A tax is a fine for abiding to rules and regulations, a fine is a tax for going against this rule.
35.     I dint fall down, something caught my fancy down there.
36.     A friend asked me at the gym, what machine he can use to impress the girl opposite him, I told him to use the atm outside. Works pretty well.
37.     I am done with reality, I want to switch to fantasy. It’s quite cool over here.
38.     When I die, some people will really have bad dreams.
39.     Why did you pee on the bed, me: I just couldn’t hold it anymore.
40.     Don’t kill mosquitoes, they are family, they carry your blood.
41.     Alcohol gave me wings, I just flew from France.
42.     Allow me think my ideas before stealing them.
43.     I will walk 30miles backwards, if you can pronounce the letter m without your lips touching.
44.     Hello beauty, I can’t find my heart, can you open your bra?
45.     I think some people use etc, because they can’t think about anything again.
46.     Peel off to see new status ##########:::###########
47.     I know you still hate me, I hate you too.
48.     Your brain works well, when you use it well.
49.     I like you, maybe we are on same connectivity.
50.     Last night, I just ignore the knocks on my door, I know it was my nosy neighbors, I was busy with trumpet lessons, so I dint answer them. It was awesome by the way.
51.     Some of the fruits I know now, I never knew existed, thanks to shampoo, I know my fruits now.
52.     I bought a soap, named “Riches’’ so I washed my pockets instead.
53.     I pretend to be loved, they pretend to love me.
54.     No matter what you are people will still bless you, even if you are a kidnapper, or a crooked politician.
55.     You just have to be patient with me, even the toilet that takes shit, accepts one ass hole at a time.
56.     Behind a happy man, there is an imprudent woman.
57.     They want to know why I am always happy, these voices in my head are awesome.
58.     Looks like I overestimated the use of your brain, you actually use 2% if your brain. Keep improving.
59.     I had a lovely afternoon, but I don’t want to talk about it.
60.     I will ignore you so badly, you will start asking yourself, if you are invisible.
61.     Even with constant improvement and civilization, humanity won’t stop hunting one another.
62.     In the shower you can be whoever you want to be, you can be John legend, you can be a pop star.
63.     If people are talking behind your back, the least you can do is fart at them.
64.     The rate of stupidity of my whatsapp friends is at 75 WTF’s per status.
65.     Why do you think I am fat, my personality needs a lot of space and storage.
66.     Glorious God, just look how wonderfully made I am.
67.     You don’t like something, change it, you can’t change it, then view from another perspective and like it.
68.     When you think you have lost all, just keep working. Do you have a choice?
69.     I am perfect, because nobody is perfect, I have been called nobody on facebook.
70.     Life is too short, to eject usb safely.
71.     My status is loading. 98% done.
72.     See your status on whatSapp five years from now, you will see how an idiot you are.
73.     Joy is when you see your crush, ‘last seen’ turns to ‘online’, and then to ‘typing’…..
74.     I saw my friends name on his gfs phone as ‘my atm’ I was laughing until I checked mine to see. You don’t want to know.
75.     I am more than special, I am a miracle.
76.     There is no two me, I am a miracle.
77.     If the Mathis is simple, I guess you are doing it wrong.
78.     I am making so many mistakes now, because I heard , we learn from our mistakes, I want to be a genius like Einstein.
79.     Waiting for free WiFi network.
80.     Friends argue less, until they are in a relationship.
81.     I am known as ken, but you can call me this night.
82.     C.L.A.S.S – Come last and start shouting.
83.     Why is it funny, when I am trying to pretend I am in a bad mood.
84.     People who exercise daily, eat well, still die anyway.
85.     Relationship status: Connection to server lost.
86.     I am always using my brain, but 99 percent of the time, I am just thinking about the food I will eat next.
87.     Why do you always have to believe anything Google gives you?
88.     I see a newly wedded man happy, I know why, but when I see a man who has been married for 10 years happy, I just keep wondering, how come?
89.     Wrestling makes no sense, two idiots putting on pants and fighting for a belt.
90.     My phone was drunk last night, do not take the chats from last night serious.
91.     WTF generation, whatsapp, twitter and Facebook.
92.     Best friends with same crazy attitude is awesome.
93.     Tom should just give up, he is never gonna eat Jerry.
94.     With over 10billion people in this world, I ended up with bunch of idiots as friends on whatsapp.
95.     I just need to win this 10million dollar jackpot, to prove to these idiots money cannot corrupt me.
96.     I have been awake all day, but it is when I start falling asleep, these boys are visiting.
97.     I was told I talk whenever I sleep, but my boss has never mentioned that.
98.     I have really gained so much this year, yeah lot of weight.
99.     When you just credited her account with some money, the ‘I LOVE YOU’ is different.
100.     It’s really awkward when you are singing along to a song on tv, then the power goes off.
101.     Even with outstanding certificate in the university, different master degrees, overturning difficulty with ease, yet you stand at the front of a glass door, thinking if you are to push or pull. Ssh.
102.     Friendship, we are more than friends, but not lovebirds.
103.     Sometimes running away won’t solve your problems, unless you are fat, you will burn some fat.
104.     In bed, its 6:30 am, you decide to close your eyes for 5 mins, its 7:30am, but at the factory, its 2:30pm you close your eyes for 10mins, its 2:00pm.
105.     I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife is in labor, and the doctor is busy with another patient.
106.     I know one woman, she knows everything, and her name is GOOGLE.
107.     If you girls don’t look like Rhianna, don’t expect us, guys to look like Christiano Ronaldo.
108.     This money remaining in my wallet can last me a life time, unless I start spending out of it.
109.     Today is public holiday, wow, let me go back to bed.
110.     I have been so busy today, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
111.     Some girls have many whatsapp profile, to go with their many personalities.
112.     Even mosquitoes are now attracted to me.
113.     I laugh so hard at my jokes, that’s how I know I am very funny.
114.     After studying for 5minutes, I need to go on break for 5 hours chilling on whatsapp.
115.     When the birds blindly hits my shining window, I feel someone is playing real angry birds with me.
116.     It was almost 4am at the club, the bar man brought my bill, it was 5k$, I had signed the checkbook, before this bloody alarm woke me up.
117.     I just saw one restaurant sign board, food is ready, home away from home, I am thinking if my wife just moved in there.
118.     Relationship has really evolved, you can touch your partner as you want, but can’t touch each other’s phone.
119.     If you really love her, you’d let her go, if she comes back, no one else wants her.
120.     I just got a new android phone running the latest OS, but the home button is not working, I have been pressing the home button, I am still at work.
121.     My husband always give me the impression, he cleans the house when I am away. I caught him with an empty bin.
122.     If your wife replies you, WHAT? She hears you clearly, she is just giving you another chance to retract what you said.
123.     The bed is cozy, when its morning. Have you noticed?
124.     I learn from other people’s mistake, people who took my advice.
125.     Lovely neighbors, until they put a password on their password.
126.     I have six pack, yeah, six packs of cigarette.
127.     Time waits for no one, but when you remove the battery, you have all the time in the world.
128.     The 3days of the weekend are always the shortest, we need to add Monday.
129.     It’s not illegal, until you get caught.
130.     Girls are amazing creature, when you ask them their age, they will lie, but when you forget their birthday, you are finished.
131.     Admit it, you listen to passengers talking in the train and wished you could join them, you nosy bitch. lol
132.     I want to take special time out to thank Google, she has been so helpful in answering live most tasking queries.
133.     Girls will pay more attention to their looks, not their character, because boys will look at them and not their mind.
134.     I need a girl that will love me for who I am, not how much I am worth.
135.     Only fools fall in love, the originator of this saying, is a fool too.
136.     God made man, and gave man life, then china came along,
137.     I love Fridays, I want it 7times a week.
138.     I heard a girl said all guys are pig, I asked her what breed is her father, then she blocked me on whatsapp, I don’t know if I said anything wrong.
139.     Sorry my phone fell, and the screen cracked so bad, I can’t see a thing, I just want to know, if I have landed in whatsapp.